The Buenos Aires Housing Hunt ABCs
VILLA CRESPO OR BUST
I wrote this list while waiting in line to see what turned out to be a small dank apartment.
A is for Arte. “Estoy arte de esperando aca en el frio.”
B is for Blanco. They like you to be earning in “blanco” in order to get a place.
C is for Clarin. Clarin is really the only place people seem to advertise. If anyone knows a better way let me know.
D is for Dormitorio. 2 ambientes does not equal 2 dormitorios.
E is for Entendido. Es entendido que 2 meses de comission es demasiado y esperado.
F is for”Friend”. Anyone who calls you “friend” in English is on my list of people who will cheat you.
G is for Garantia. It needs to be from Capital and a family member.
H is for habitable. As opposed to desirable.
I is for Inmobilaria. Spanish for “bottomfeeder”
J is for Ja Ja Ja. What you think when you see the poor SOB at the end of a line to see a lame apartment that the guy showing you says was reserved yesterday.
K is for Kapitalistas. nuff sed
L is for Living/Comedor/Cocina. A room where apparently everything happens.
LL is for Llamar. As in “El depto esta reservado pero es posible que la garantia seria mal y si venis lunes, demasiado temprano puedes dejar cien mangos con nosotros te tal vez te llamamos.”
M is for Modern. Modern apartments are smaller, stuffier, have less light, and portenos prefer them.
N is for Nathan. The apartment looker.
O is for Opinion. You will generally want a second one…
P is for PH. Portenos love them cause they have no gastos.
Q is for Quito. As in “Things are cheaper in Quito, Ecuador.”
R is for Renovar. “No vamos a renovar este departmento. Lo pintas vos.”
There is no RR in the expat housing hunt. We can’t pronounce it.
S is for Sabado. Most of the house showings happen on Saturday afternoon. Yay!
T is for trampa. Like advertising an apartment saying you don’t need a garantia and then trying to sell you the garantia you don’t need…
U is for ups! As in “Ups! No tenemos las llaves para abrir el depto. Lo siento, parece que estuviste esperando aca chupando el frio… Llamanos mas tarde en la semana.”
V is for vender. Much more popular than alquiler.
W is for Why do I even want to move? My apartment is just fine as it is.
X is for eXnat --- A blog that feels your pain.
Y is for Y are you reading to the end?
Z is for Ze end of zis list.