top secret mission

I’m sitting at the Fuel coffeeshop. Victrola, my usual coffeeshop has banned laptops on the weekends. They want to encourage conversations and save tablespace. It was getting to the point that you’d have the whole coffeeshop full of people staring at screens. I’m typing onto this little Dell laptop I bought because I was so freaked out that I didn’t know what else to do but buy a laptop and I kept it because I was too lazy to return it within the deadline. It’s plasticy and heavier than I would like but it gets the job done and the wireless is pretty on top of it. It came installed with Encarta Encyclopedia and a lot of other useless software which I immediately uninstalled. They’re almost dinosaurs compared to the speed and reliablity of Wikipedia and other opensource solutions that come with a broadband connection to the internet.

I’m in a coffeeshop right now because my ex girlfriend is at my apartment rooting through my old stuff and deciding what to take for her new place. It’s strange. I want her to have the stuff but contact with her, even distantly, still rubs at the old wounds. Happily Dan took care of organizing everything.

Protecting yourself becomes a top secret mission.

Dan calls me: “we’ll be gone in five minutes.”

Then I can return. It’s like I have a disease. I can’t be exposed or I will relapse into indecision and low self-esteem. It’s weird admitting your own limitations, your own failures. We wish we were stronger and we value our weaknesses but admitting the problem is the first step to recovery.

But now it’s time to go back and take a nap, pack some stuff up, and relax before watching motorcycle diaries with a beautiful girl later tonight. Life is easier when you’re about to move away.

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